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From The SCUMM Bar to The Pig Pen – A Tour Of Gaming’s Greatest Drinking Establishments

The Scumm Bar, The Hounds Pit Pub and The Pig Pen are stops along our virtual pub crawl through gaming’s greates in-game drinking establishments. The FingerGuns Pub Crawl Itinerary Aw’right lads and lasses. It’s that time of year again. It’s […]

The Scumm Bar, The Hounds Pit Pub and The Pig Pen are stops along our virtual pub crawl through gaming’s greates in-game drinking establishments.

The FingerGuns Pub Crawl Itinerary

Aw’right lads and lasses. It’s that time of year again. It’s time to get absolutely shit faced drink responsibly and have a jolly good time. Y’know the rules. 1 drink at each bar. Never leave someone behind – If a fellow reveler passes out, hit them with some Phoenix Down to get them back on their feet. No Fighting – We don’t want a repeat of that Donkey Kong incident from last year where he ended up throwing beer barrels around the place.

Without further ado, here’s the itinerary for the 2017 Gaming Pub Crawl;

1). The Pelican Inn

Location: London, England
Signature Drink: Pints of Mild
Frequent Patrons: Nathan Drake, Victor Sullivan

We’re starting this year’s Pub Crawl in one of London’s finest dive bars. Your feet will stick to the floor, the bar nuts are 100% coated in urine and if, you’re lucky, you’ll get your drink in one of the few non-chipped glasses – but the drinks are cheap and there’s bound to be some entertainment when a fight breaks out. Plus, we get the added bonus of watching Nate Drake look nervous because he has stolen something from 90% of the pub’s regular punters.

2). 7th Heaven

Location: Midgar, Sector 7 Slums Edge City, Gaia
Signature Drink: Potion
Frequent Patrons: Cloud Strife, Barret Wallace, Tifa Lockhart

Next up is the famous 7th Heaven bar which recently re-located from Midgar to Edge after President Shinra ordered the destruction of the sector 7 pillar and then a meteor struck Gaia an unfortunate construction problem. Decked out with authentic Midgar bric a brac, 7th Heaven is a pleasant pub in which to sit down, relax and have secret AVALANCHE meetings have a Potion or 2. Just don’t mess with the 4 year old barmaid. Her adopted Dad is a real hot head.

3). The Scumm Bar

Location: Melee Island, The Tri-Island Area
Signature Drink: Grog
Frequent Patrons: Guybrush Threepwood

Nestled away on the pleasant island of Melee, The Scumm Bar is our next destination where we’ll spin on a chandelier, talk to a dog and converse with the Pirate leaders. Serving Grog (which contains such exotic ingredients as Red Dye No. 2 and battery acid), Grog Classic, Diet Grog, Caffeine Free Grog, Near Grog & Lite Grog (described as “like real grog, only without the taste, calories, or debilitating blackouts.”), The Scumm Bar fulfills all your Grog needs. The Scumm Bar was bought by Disney in 2012 and, honestly, it has felt a little underutilised ever since. Here’s hoping it returns to the hands of the previous manager, Ron Gilbert, as soon as possible.

4). The Drunken Huntsman

Location: Whiterun, Skyrim
Signature Drink: Ale. Lots of it.
Frequent Patrons: The Dragonborn

Up next is The Drunken Huntsman situated on the cold plains of Skyrim. This Inn sells more than just food and drink; We can also pick up some weapons and armour too… y’know… just in case of dragon attack. Hopefully, the co-owner Elrindir will be around to tell us the tale of how his brother drunkenly mistook him for a deer and shot an arrow into his rear and, if we’re really lucky, the famous “took an arrow to the knee” chap will stop by for a pint.

5). The Blue Casket

Location: Rubacava, The Land of the Dead
Signature Drink: Coffin Shooters
Frequent Patrons: Manny

A quick journey across the Sea of Lament and we’ll be arriving at the beatnik bar, The Blue Casket. The atmosphere might seem a little dead but watch your back because there’s always somebody looking to jump your bones. Sit back, take in some maudlin poetry and try one of the underworld-famous Coffin Shooters that are so strong, they knock out the dead. We’ve got some smelling salts to wake you up before we leave.

6). The Hounds Pit Pub

Location: The Old Port District, Dunwall
Signature Drink: Hound Pits Draft, Dunwall Brand Whiskey, Emerald Absinthe
Frequent Patrons: Corvo Attano

Next up is the abandoned Hounds Pit Pub, hidden away in a plague ravaged sector of Dunwall. This building was once home to vicious dog fights but is now the HQ of a friendly bunch called the Loyalist Conspiracy. Here we’ll be stopping off for a bite to eat, trying out the local delicacies such as Grilled Whale, Dark Bread and Brined Hagfish. Yum. Don’t be an Outsider and chat with the local masked vigilante if he stops by.

7). Tappers

Location: Grimsby (Maybe? I don’t know).
Signature Drink: Budweiser (or Root Beer for the minors)
Frequent Patrons: Wreck-It Ralph, The Bartender

Next, We’ll be stopping off for a literal “quick pint” at Tappers. The service is super speedy here as drinks here are launched down the bar so let’s hope the 6 previous drinks haven’t slowed you reaction times too much. Be warned; Tappers has a masked villain problem who might come in shake up some canned drinks and ask you to choose the one that won’t explode. Good luck.

8). Rathskeller Fork Beer & Liquor

Location: Gaptooth Ridge, New Austin
Signature Drink: Whisky
Frequent Patrons: John Marston

We’re then off to the Wild West West for some Whisky, Poker and Black Jack. If cards aren’t your thing, you can try your hand at Horseshoes outside too (probably best if you want to avoid the bar room brawls going on inside). If you’re feeling brave, you could try talking to the local townsfolk such as Jeb Blankenship, Carnelious Wolfe & “Unnamed Woman”. Don’t expect a warm welcome.

9). Cunny of the Goose

Location: Outside of Novigrad
Signature Drink: Kaedwenian stout
Frequent Patrons: Geralt of Rivia

Stop laughing at the back. The abrasive name aside, the Cunny is the best spot for stuffed goose liver in the region. We’ll be stopping off here for a hand of Gwent, some specialist (blood &) wine and maybe a ride on Roach the horse.

10). The Dark Star Lounge

Location: The Citadel
Signature Drink: Batarian ale, Ryncol
Frequent Patrons: Commander Shepard

We’re finishing up the pub crawl out in the Serpent Nebula at The Citadel. We’re going to dance and drink the night away at The Dark Star lounge. Be careful with the Ryncol drinks (it’s harmless to Krogans but it’ll “hit humans like ground glass”) and keep an eye out if you gamble (The Turian cheats).

After Party: The Pig Pen

Location: Los Santos, San Andreas
Signature Drink: Strip Shots
Frequent Patrons: Carl Johnson

If you’re still standing after 10 pubs, we’ll be heading to The Pig Pen in Los Santos. It’s the only place we could find with a late licence and the fact that the place is packed from wall to wall with beautiful strippers has absolutely nothing to do with us going there. Honest.

Are there any classic in-game watering holes you think should be on the list? Hit the comments section and sound off.

Sean Davies

Ungrateful little yuppie larvae. 30-something father to 5. Once ate 32 slices of pizza at an all-you-can-eat buffet.

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